I’m sitting bundled up in my blanket on our back porch with a good book. A really good book. The hot coffee in my favorite mug is warming my hands and my belly. It’s winter, but I don’t mind the cold too bad. I have one child happily playing in his room. The other child is bundled up pretending to mow the lawn. The noise of his lawn mower clicking fades into the background as my feelings and thoughts take center. This is a few moments in a day that are calm and hard to come by at this house. But I can’t even focus to read the book. I feel unsettled and uneasy. I pray. I cry. I decide to let myself feel the feelings.
After a little while, the little one with his red cheeks calls, “Mama?”. Maybe, he too, was lost in his thoughts, the ones of pretend mowing and all. He needed reminding that I was close by. “I’m right here”, I reply. I ask him if he would like me to fix his hat that has become disheveled on his head. Then he goes back to pretending to mow the yard, and I return to my thoughts.
Usually, I try to push through the feelings or ignore them with busyness. I would try to read the book but what would end up happening is that I would not really be able to really focus to read it, and I’d put it down. Then I would find another task to do to keep busy.
The world is so busy. We are such a busy people. We have so much to do and not enough time. It’s OK to sit still for a few minutes and FEEL the feelings. It sounds counterproductive, and it’s not particularly fun. However, the more time I take to sit still, to pray, and to feel when the feelings are bubbling beneath, I heal a little more.
Take a few minutes today to let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling.